Diary of Relationships

“Enough Is Enough!

How do you say “Enough!” when you feel like you are giving too much and not getting as much in return? Here are tips to help you on how to level love’s playing field:

1. Don’t necessarily do as your mother did. “Our culture still expects women to be givers, and if you grew up around one-sided relationships, you may not even realize they should be two-sided.” How to tell whether you are caught in the doormat trap? If despite the fact that all your giving isn’t working, then your impulse is to give some more.

2. Don’t blame your man entirely. “If you are a giver by nature, people around you get used to it and learn to expect it. A man often won’t leave this kind of one-sided relationship. Instead, he’ll stay and exploit the situation. When women give a lot, men get lazy. If you say, “Hey, I’ll rent the video, pick up the groceries and cook the food;’ he starts to really get comfortable. In the end, though he might not choose you because he never has to work at and get invested in the relationship.

3. Do ask nicely for what you want. If you battle over household chores (you do them; he watches TV) try encouraging a gradual transition to domestic equity. “Women often get fed up and say, “I’ve been doing everything, so now I’m not going to do anything,” says Jane. A better approach: Acknowledge what he does. Say something like, “I really appreciate it when you go food shopping, or “Thanks for emptying the garbage.” Then ask him to do a little more. By asking for a bit of time, you take back some power.”

4. Don’t let resentment ruin your relationship. The danger in giving too much is that you expect an equal amount in return. When that doesn’t happen, it is easy to feel resentful, which makes having an openhearted connection difficult. Ironically, the person on the receiving end of all that giving may wind up feeling resentful, too. It’s no fun always being the bad guy, or feeling obligated to give in return. The sense of obligation and guilt, may force him to walk away.

The concept of online dating is very interesting and is embraced by everyone in our days. Many men and women resort to this type of dating.  Although it is more interesting and comfortable to sit at home and chat with your partner there are also some downsides to this type of interactions.

One of the main downsides of online dating is that there are a lot of persons pretending to be something they are not. Being an online activity you don’t have eye to eye contact, and this is a negative thing, because you cannot tell when someone is telling the truth or when someone is lying.

A great way to avoid these problems is to keep in touch and chat with your partner for a long time. In many cases time disguises people. Why? Well it is very simple. People can pretend to be someone else, or something they are not, but they cannot do this forever. Sooner or later the real personality and character of that person will kick in and you will then see who you have been chatting with.

Even though there are downsides to this type of dating, many resort to this because you can meet people while relaxing in the comfort of your own home. It does not require special preparation as a live date does.

So, whether you consider online dating as a way to get to know people, or do it the old fashion way with live dating, always remember to take your time, and get to know your partner as well as you can. This way you avoid the unexpected changes of personality in your partner, due to the fact that people pretend to be someone they are not.

All in all, online dating seems to work for many people, and some actually found their true love online.

Non-Sexual Hot Spots:
Sorry, we’re not talking sexually here. Try to identify the issues that you may possibly face as husband and wife. You have to know how you feel about certain things – certain important things like managing your money, children, etc. How many children do you want? How do you want to raise them and in what kind of atmosphere? Some couples even go as far as having a target school in mind, which isn’t a bad idea since it gives you a head start on saving for that ever-increasing tuition fee. Also, what happens when you have a baby? Does he expect you to resign from your full-time job? Or if it’s your choice entirely, can you stop working without resenting him or the baby for this situation?

How do you handle money? Do you want to go with joint accounts all the way or do you both value a joint account plus separate accounts for each of you? Hey, will he let you work? Some guys still want their women at home, and some women prefer the same thing. Just make sure you’re part of the same mold. Who’s big spender and who’s good at budgeting? If you’re tightwad, it may be best if you’re in charge of the budgeting and savings.

What about dealing with in-laws? How many times a month or week do you visit them? Are you expected to support any in-laws or relatives?

What about chores? Who’s neat and who isn’t? He may think your sloppiness is now cute, but those clothes all over the place could seriously get on his nerves five years down the line. How does he feel about cleaning and cooking — or wouldn’t he be caught dead in an apron?

Discussing these issues early on won’t prevent clashes when you’re married. But at least you get hints about how to compromise and negotiate your differences. It also gives you an idea of what you’re marrying into. (So if you want to bail now, do it before the altar day for crying out loud!)

Too loving. Too giving. Too nurturing. Too easily upset. Too hooked on romance.
When relationship becomes the issue in a conversation, as in gatherings or talk shows, women are often seen as the ones who give love, and men–the ones who embezzle it.
That opinion, of course, is no longer a mere theory, for experience tells us that women in general “cling” because they are brought up to be psychologically dependent.
Women, work too hard at constructing and maintaining relationships, while men seem to enjoy joy demolishing what women have built by seeking auxiliary relationships with just anyone daring enough to do an excursion to the forbidden. This lack of equality in male-female relationships is causing a lot of resentment to the female gender in general.
But what can we do? It seems that there is really some truth to that bumper-sticker: “Women love too much, men love too little.”
The end result of this inequality: women suffer in love.

Equality in Love
Conventional wisdom tells us that equality is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. A relationship based on inequality is doomed to fail. If we truly love someone, we treat her as our equal, not our slave. We give her due respect. Surrender if we must, because true loving always involves surrender of power. Surrender does not mean inequality, it means balance. If a man surrenders to the woman by way of commitment, it doesn’t mean he is half the man he is. It means he is a principled man. For isn’t it that the value of a man is the sum of all his commitments?
Inequality in relationships however should not be blamed on men alone. This unfair social setup has something to do also with women allowing themselves to be doormats. Fighting for equality in love is not hard-core feminism, it is simply changing the accepted norm to stop the “discomfort” that we, women in general feel for loving too much.

How to Strike a Balance
Megan is the perfect girlfriend or as close as one can get. She takes care of Frank’s needs and everything. She writes poetry and sends him love letters just because. On weekends, she washes his undergarments, cooks his favorite dishes and cleans his pad. She forgives him for his womanizing again and again. When he runs out of cash, she even foots the bill. Frank should be reciprocating. Instead, he acts disinterested and distant. Is it something Megan does?
Truth is, it’s something she overdoes. She allows herself to be less valuable when she shows Frank how much she will do just to please him. Sad thing is, Frank is not pleased. He is the kind of man who abuses the attention when given too much of it. Instead of reciprocating, Frank exploits the situation to his advantage. Megan shows Frank that their relationship is the center of her life. In doing so, she forgets that she has her own life to live. She forgets her own needs. She does not realize that in giving too much, she risks losing herself.

In this world no one can be considered as dating expert. Many of the beautiful and wealthy persons struggle with the matter of heart. The basic truth is that there is no magic formula, no tricks for trapping Mr. or Miss Right.
The first and main point for the dating is getting prepared for it. If you really want success in dating, you should be honest regarding dating. In real dating Half-heartedness will not work. If you are really serious to date, put some effective effort into it.
Go for shopping and by new clothes for yourself and even get whole new look. Do not try to become someone you are not, but increase and show your positives. Your date will appreciate your efforts. Before dating think what you will gain from dating and at what timeframes. Do not waste your time sitting alongwith friends who are against love and relationships. Always be honest with your date.